I ate the entire kitchen yesterday. Literally. I’m pretty sure, anyway. I had a huge breakfast sandwich first thing in the morning, McDonald’s for lunch (yuck!), a Twix, two doughnuts, half of a stuffed crust pizza, and nearly half a roll of cookie dough. I even drank soda yesterday, which I haven’t had in three months. I ate until I was nearly ill, and I felt awful about it. There was absolutely nothing of nutritional value in my day yesterday. It was Jason’s funeral. I thought I wasn’t letting his death bother me, but it seems that when you try to contain emotions, they end up lashing out in some way. I’m not blaming the binge on Jason. I know it’s my fault and that what I put into my mouth is my choice. I even chose to not wear my fitbit yesterday. Outrageous.
I had been doing SO well. I was taking at least 10,000 steps a day, burning 2500 – 3000 calories in total from midnight to midnight, and coming in at about 750 calories under to lose a total of 1.5 lbs a week. Well, I gained two pounds, got mad at life, got angry with my current situation, and ate.
Normally, I would feel really bad about this and go on a three day spree of eating every piece of junk food I can purchase. I woke up this morning and felt awful. I definitely had a binge hangover. I needed water, and lots of it (40oz down at 10 a.m., to be precise). I’ve decided to take control of the situation and make it into something better. I had oatmeal for breakfast, will have a protein bar for a snack, am going to get in some time on the bike and some reading during my lunch, another snack of peanut butter and some sort of fruit for another snack, 45 minutes on the elliptical and a fitness blender when I get home, a protein shake, and a nice baked fish with red pepper quinoa will be for dinner.
I feel like I need help with this situation and my obsession with the food I put in my mouth. I’m either eating uncontrollably or netting 1200 EXACTLY. I feel like that’s a problem. I think my attitude about it is a problem as well. I’ve actually decided to see a therapist, someone I can trust to know how I’m thinking or feeling without worrying. I feel like this will give me a much more positive outlook on life and my lifestyle.
In my opinion, a healthy mind will produce a healthy body. I have been feeling much better since I started this blog, but maybe I need a little extra room for my thoughts. We’ll see how it turns out.