Compliments with Conditions are not Compliments

When I started losing weight, everyone had some input on my progress. Most of the comments I got were positive. People were proud of me for having the willpower and initiative to do something about my lifestyle and turn my life around. Once I gained some confidence, I began posting before and after photos pretty often to show off my progress. Again, most responses were positive, but soon it became apparent that some people wanted to make sure that I knew I was beautiful when I was obese as well.

I remember getting compliments as a “bigger girl” that were backhanded, the comments that went something like, “You’re pretty for a curvy girl.”

That is NOT a compliment. Why should I be pretty for a fat girl? Who decides where I lie on the scale of attractiveness, much less how I am placed on the scale relative to girls who are the same size as me? Do we measure attractiveness on a skinny, chubby, curvy, or obese scale separately? Compliments should not have conditions. You either think that I am beautiful, or you don’t.

Now that I’m smaller, I get a lot more attention from those who are attracted to females. Sometimes, that attention comes from people who mocked me for my weight or who never even glanced twice at me in school. They make comments that, “time has been good to me.”

The gym has been good to me. Willpower has been good to me. Healthy eating has been good to me. I worked hard to become the person who finally catches your eye as a worthy match.

I’ve got news for you; my worth is not dependent upon your opinion of me. My worth has always been here. I have always been intelligent, kind, generous, and driven. All I lacked was confidence, and now I have that as well. Now I’m worth your time, effort, and flirtation?

I have no time, effort, or flirtation for a person who couldn’t see past my appearance and into who I really am.

The shittiest thing is that they actually believe that they’re so unbelievably awesome that this compliment is going to be the highlight of my day. They think they’re doing me a favor by even talking to me because they’re so outrageously shallow and vapid. They’re also under the illusion that I somehow had a momentary lapse in memory that caused me to forget how awful or indifferent they were to my presence for our entire acquaintanceship.

The amazing thing is that I’m confident enough to recognize an asshole who doesn’t deserve my time when I meet one.

Who is too good for who now?

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